Oh yeah

Random Thoughts of the Day: These are not my thoughts well actually now that I have read them they are my thoughts!

I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
So true! I hate driving through the Ghetto especially strange ones.

More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
Am I really this self absorbed? ummm yes

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
Damn I hate it when that happens. It's not very often mind you

I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
What the HELL was I thinking???

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.
Hee hee I actually did it on purpose, shhh don't tell!

Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
Very soft. Oh and we have an original Nintendo at home and I still blow in the games when they don't work!

There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
I can't tell you how many fights have been caused because of the lack of a sarcasm font.

Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the fuck was going on when I first saw it.
That usually happens during the sex scenes and then I realize that I STILL don't know what the fuck is going on!
Sometimes I also realize that OMG this really ISN'T a great movie, example the orginal Ghostbusters. Check for post last October for more on the floating poo in that one.

The other night I hit a new low at an open bar. I had already hopped on highway blackout when, inevitably I had to find a bathroom. Eventually I decided it was probably on the other side of the bar so I tried to walk over there, but ran into a guy coming the other way. We played that, Both go left, Both go right game to no avail, so I finally put out my hand to guide myself past and that's is when I realized, yup, that's a mirror I just tried to walk through. And the guy on the other side is me. Even cats can recognize their own image.
No this has never happened to me, I have my own drunken stories, but damn that's funny!

How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Oh yeah I don't I just wad it up and shove it in the closet

I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
This is why I have a strong boyfriend

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.
so true

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

Was learning cursive really necessary?
No, cause even when I write something by hand which isn't often I don't write in cursive

Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
Which accounts for the roundness of my ass

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
2 the answer is 2

I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!

Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
Love it when people say Y as in you that will confuse those "street smart people"

What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
Watch out for the turtle shells too

MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
Or if they ever had someone I knew in them...Insert exboyfriends name...

I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
Again with those street smarts

Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
or until they get so stretched out you have to keep pulling them up

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
Does this mean I am old?

Bad decisions make good stories
The BEST stories

Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
This means alot coming from a former high school slut

If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
Nah cause it would have on a red and white stripey shirt and fedora

Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
Usually around 9:00 AM

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
Blu-Ray Sucks

There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

"Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
Eh Screw it, I wash em anyway. I like to live dangerously

I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
Do people also realize that all cell phones have caller ID. If I have known you for more than a day I probably have your number programmed and I can see you called. Don't leave me a voice mail saying call me

I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.

Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
It was for me

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
For about an hour a day too

My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Mom what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?

It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
At least warn me!

I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.

I think the freezer deserves a light as well

I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Bud Lights than Kay.

The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat ass before dinner.

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