Manic Monday

Mom when she was a little

On June 18, 2013 my mom had a seizure at work and was rushed to the emergency room.   A few days later she was diagnosed with Glioblastoma Multiforme (GBM).  GBM is the most aggressive forms of brain tumors and with treatment the average survival rate is 14 months.  After a very hard 15 months my mom succumbed to her cancer and passed away on September 29, 2014.  I am still in shock and I don’t think things have really sunk in for me.  I am sure it will happen soon.  For so long I had to push my feelings aside in order to do what needed to be done to take care of my mom.  I ran in circles to be there for her, for my brothers, for my kids, for my boyfriend, and still go to work full time.  It was quite the balancing act and I still feel like I am reeling.  

Mom with her parents and sister Toni.  Her hubby Pete is photobombing!

My mom and Grandma
She was buried today and I thought that this what was going to make it sink in.  This was what was going to make it real but I am still feeling numb.  I know one of these days it’s going to hit me.
I know that when it does I am going to grieve like crazy.  

Mom and Pete visiting the construction site of the new Arizona Cardinals Stadium 

 My mom and I didn’t really have a lot in common.  I think we both used to wonder how the heck I turned out so girly and dramatic!  We didn’t always get along which I am sure is true of most mothers and daughters but I think we both did the best we could for each other.  Was she perfect?  No, but neither am I.  I do know that she was kind, and generous, and was one of the most laid back people I know.  She always used to tell me to choose my battles and not to make a mountain out of a molehill.  I try to remember these things but I am dramatic as mentioned before :-)
Tailgating before a game

She loved sports of all kinds and was a super fan of all the Arizona teams, especially the Cardinals.  A perfect day to her was sitting in her backyard bar, sipping a beer, and watching a game.  She also enjoyed her girls trips to Laughlin, NV, any time spent on a beach, and every once in a while betting on the ponies at the horse track.  She came from a large family that has grown and grown in size over the years (6 kids, 16 grandkids, and who knows how many great grandkids) and that’s just on her side!!!  She had so many wonderful friends that became part of our huge, loud, family over the years.  She also had such a soft spot for kids.

Grandma and the kids.  Now I know where they get it from

Just Hanging Out

I am going to miss my moms laugh when we would get the giggles.  Rooting for the Arizona Cardinals, having a beer, going to the beach and walking it at night.   Holidays will not be the same, especially Christmas which was always spent at her house.  Christmas Eve was always a gathering of all our family who lived in Arizona where we would eat very non traditionally (pizza), have tons of homemade cookies, wine, a fire roaring (which made the house so hot we had to open the back door), and stacks and stacks of gifts that the kids couldn’t wait to tear into.  I have more memories than I can sit and type and I am lucky to say that most of them are good ones. 

San Diego, CA Vacation

I am sad that my two younger brothers won’t have her there when they get married and she won’t meet her future grandchildren.  I was lucky to have my mom there with me the day I had my daughter and that she was the first person to ever hold her.  She was so excited when my son was born and  I am so sad that she won’t be around to watch them grow up, graduate, get married, or hold her great grandchildren.  She has left an empty spot that can never be filled and I know we will all be thinking of her during these times wishing she was there.  

Family Get Together a few months after diagnosis

After her diagnosis we had a few good months and I know we all enjoyed the time we had with her.  The last few months though the cancer ravaged her mind and body.  It was sad and scary.  

Mom and all her kids

I hope that someday the memories of the past few months which were filled with anger, pain, and sadness will fade and I will remember my mom as she was before this horrible horrible disease took her from us.  

Christmas 2013
 Rest in Peace Mom.  You will always be in our hearts and memories

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